Childfree or Childless  – I’m neither actually

Childless or childfree I don’t resonate with either of these labels. I know we can all get a bit pedantic about labels these days and this could be another roll your eyes moment about something else we aren’t meant to say, but hear me out.

I’m not less or free of anything I just knew I didn’t want to have kids. I never use those terms because less feels like I am not complete and free feels like I’m not able to commit!

It occurred to me the other day when I was talking about this and I actually couldn’t get either of those words out and simply said I don’t have kids!

Now you might be thinking ok, what is the point of all of this, well the point is there is still a huge amount of stigma attached to a woman that chooses not to pop a baby out of her body.

I work with kids and pregnant women, I’ve been present at many births and it is an absolute honour to be there. It’s never once made me think I must rush home and do this NOW!

As a woman who had chosen not to procreate I wanted to say I don’t hate kids, I’m not any less of a women because I have never looked my unborn child in the eyes, my heart does melt when I see baby shoes but it doesn’t mean I want a baby to put them on. I’m not selfish, I will be ok when I’m old and as many of my friends with children will vouch I’m normally up before them! I don’t think kids should be banned from public places, or aeroplanes and I’m not smug about my decision.

I don’t even know why it’s a thing really, because it’s really not that fascinating. There is no traumatic reason, no mother/child wound I simply know myself pretty well. It has never been on my radar.

I used to not say about not wanting children, because I hated the pity look but more because I hated the converter conversation. The conversation about how parenthood is the best thing since sliced bread and is going to be just the thing I need to hear to change my mind. Why do I need to change my mind?!

I mother loads of people and animals and my business is the biggest baby I have. I’ve devoted myself to it, and lets face it who hasn’t judged the woman who works and has her children looked after. What’s the point of having a family if you aren’t there to look after it? It’s pretty much between a rock and a hard place with public opinion so I took the option of sticking two finger to it and carrying on with what feels right for me.

Yes I did have a wobble with my wonderful hubster, but we worked it out and are stronger than ever. Those moments happen no matter if you have made a new person or not. No one has the monopoly on those precious monumental and pivotal moments – I just don’t have a photo of ours 😉

1 Comment

  • Nibela 13th October 2017 9:52 pm

    Thank you for sharing those insightful thoughts and being so open. I hope this article enables us as people to have that little bit more wisdom in accepting the choices of others 🙂

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